return my video game
look no pants
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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