Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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