So drunk its hurt
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
