Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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