Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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