I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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