we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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