I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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