Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
