I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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