I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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