she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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