Your face is a jimmy john
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
