pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She tied me up with her honor cords...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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