Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
