So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
