I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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