I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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