2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
