God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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