Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
