It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
