imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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