You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
