we have pet lesbian snakes
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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