if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
