I'm gonna have a badass scar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
