we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
