you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
