the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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