She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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