real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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