My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize