well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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