Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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