Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
