Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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