You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
