oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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