he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
