so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
