oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
