There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
