i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
