Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
