70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
