omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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