Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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