Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As shirtless as possible
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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