Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
