somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
