went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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