Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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