handjob tips. give me some.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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