I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
