you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
