I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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